This is a memoir on how to epically fail in life, love, and in Los
Angeles.
Make sure to never go out, ever.
If you do end up being out, make sure to sit in a corner and
smoke cigarettes and talk to no one.
Be really closed off. Don’t let any in. Don’t show any signs
of real emotion. Avoid getting into really serious conversations.
If something seems like it’s too good to be true, it is.
Stand for nothing. Don’t become a part of anything. Just be
alone.
Make sure to walk away from opportunities where you feel
like you could make something happen.
Blow off people that are trying to hang out and become
friends.
If you have a job, don’t really try that hard. Come in late
and leave early. Stay up all night and be really tired. Just troll Facebook all
day on your work computer.
Don’t exercise. Don’t eat. Smoke cigarettes.
Live in a shitty apartment with no parking in a neighborhood
you are afraid to walk around at night in. Don’t invite anyone over, ever.
Don’t support or believe in anyone else’s dreams.
Hate on all new music and art.
Make sure to tell everyone how awful your life is.
Have a lot of regrets and hold grudges.
Don’t try to learn anything new.
Max out all credit cards. Don’t pay taxes. Collect
unemployment.
Make people think your life is really awesome, but in real
life have nothing.
Don’t learn from mistakes, keep making them. Repeat all
above steps.
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